Are you watering down your DEI Initatives?

Are you watering down your DEI Initatives?

by | Blog

๐—”๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—ฑ๐—ผ๐˜„๐—ป ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ ๐——๐—˜๐—œ ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ถ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ถ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐˜€?

There is a difference between compliance training and real development.

I don’t work in compliance training, but unfortunately, many organisations mistake DEI as another compliance topic.

At the heart, many organisations want to be seen to be tackling the issue and are looking for options that can tick boxes.

Unconscious Bias Training has become a go-to option for organisations wanting more than just EEO and anti-discrimination modules, but in reality, it is not doing what you think it is doing.

Whilst Unconscious Bias is now a fairly well-known term, very few people take any meaningful steps.

Most people think ‘greater awareness’ is a suitable outcome or takeaway, without actually challenging what this awareness is or how it will inform their actions going forward.

The training ticks a box. And then people wonder why it hasn’t produced any meaningful change.

We may have crossed our arms, and committed to #breakthebias2022, for International Women’s Day 2022, but how has that been going for you?

We get kudos for showing up. We applaud commitments to champion change.

That’s the end of the story.

Next time, pay attention to the subtle use of words used by a program sponsor or a senior leader that has been through unconscious bias training.

“WE need to address this” or “WE need to do more about this.” or something similar…

Whilst sharing accountability through ‘WE’ (and getting everyone’s heads nodding) it actually also serves to negate personal responsibility.

Which means nothing changes.

Better leadership looks like:

“I am going to fix the problem by….”

“I am going to change the way… “

“I know that I’ve been getting it wrong”.

Unfortunately, we often fall into the trap of thinking it is other people’s biases that we need to break.

This mindset leaves us to overlook our own prejudices.

This mindset evades the uncomfortable truth that we are contributing to the problem.

Some more than others.

Our discomfort is worth others feeling more comfortable.

Discomfort is where learning happens.

Discomfort motivates real change.

You don’t need more unconscious bias training.

We don’t need more slides or e-learning.

We need a better intervention.

#blokecoaching is an uncomfortable program.

And we make no apologies for that.

Clients get upset.

They cry. They argue.

Through the program, we help everyone to understand their privilege, the patriarchal system and their individual prejudices, and those topics are going to stir up some big feelings.

But that is part of the process. And our clients are better for it.

Transgender Awareness Week 2022

Transgender Awareness Week 2022

by | Blog

Just a reminder that Transgender Awareness Week should be about giving visibility to the challenges faced by this community – issues of prejudice, discrimination, and violence that affect the transgender community – and working to ensure greater inclusion of members of this community within your organisation.

Don’t take ‘visibility’ as an invitation to push people who are members of the transgender community into the spotlight as a way of signalling inclusion, and acceptance.

It is not the role of members of this community to educate us (unless that is specifically a role they have chosen to take up) and answer questions that we have or to be an expert on diversity and inclusion policies and practices. Or to be a spokesperson for all of the experiences of the people of this community.

Their experience is their own, and their right to share or keep it private.

We need to educate ourselves.

โžก๏ธ Reflect on whether our discussions about gender equality are cis-centric, binary or lacking intersectionality. And what we could be doing better to support all genders? Take a look at whether your inclusion policies tend to focus on the LGB and not so much the TQ+.

โžก๏ธ Reflect on our language, particularly how we talk about people of this community, particularly when in the company of only cis people. Is our language affirming of gender or treating ‘them’ as an ‘other’ or ‘special’?

โžก๏ธ Reflect on whether our ‘curiosity’ to understand things we haven’t experienced personally, leads us to ask inappropriate questions or pry into details of someone’s life that they should not feel pressured to disclose to us (ever). Would we ask the same questions to someone who is cis?

โžก๏ธ Reflect on whether our network (professional and personal) or workplace includes members of this community and if there are none (or you can count them on one hand), reflect on what may be contributing to that. Reflect on what we could do to become more inclusive and improve the diversity of friends, network or workplace.

โžก๏ธ Reflect on aspects of the cis-tem (system) that may be contributing to the exclusion or uncomfortableness of members of this community. Take a more conscious look at our bathroom setup, pronoun usage, dress codes, and what level of support and sensitivity is given to employees undertaking a gender affirmation process.

That’s what I think it is supposed to be about.

Gender Equity vs Gender Equality

Gender Equity vs Gender Equality

by | Blog

I was having a discussion earlier this week with a man working in D&I, and he picked up on my language around achieving gender โ€˜equalityโ€™ rather than โ€˜equityโ€™.

He shared that recently โ€“ only three weeks prior โ€“ heโ€™d come to the realisation that gender equality would never be achieved and so the goal for him and his organisation is gender equity.

I thought a lot about this. And decided – I disagree.

Passionately.

For a lot of organisations and sections of society, gender equity is the goal. This involves recognising differing experiences across genders and focusing on initiatives that achieve fairness and justice.

Initiatives that are required because the current system isnโ€™t fair or just.

Equality doesn’t mean everyone is treated the same (a common misconception).

Equality across the genders means that rights, responsibilities, and opportunities no longer depend on what gender you identify with.

I donโ€™t want to give up on gender equality.

Through Bloke Coaching Iโ€™m helping men to understand male privilege, patriarchy, and prejudice and motivating them to take direct action to rebuild the system in partnership with the other genders.

Through this process, the end goal is to fix the system and achieve equality.

Equity may very well be the temporary measure on the path to equality, as you rebuild the system.

But equality should โ€“ IMO – always be the goal.

Without addressing the system, the system will find new ways to disadvantage certain genders. It is very resilient.

Unfortunately, I do sometimes get the feeling that some people who work in D&I tend to perpetuate the need for D&I.

Perhaps they are feeling a bit disenfranchised because they appreciate how large the problem is.

Perhaps they don’t want to put themselves out of a job.

I do.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments. ๐Ÿ‘‡

I want to put myself out of a job

I want to put myself out of a job

by | Blog

My mission for Bloke Coaching is that it wonโ€™t be needed in 15 years.

That will coincide with my 50th birthday.

Call me naรฏve.

But Iโ€™m putting it out there in order to keep myself accountable โ€“

โŒ I don’t want to still be doing this in 15 years’ time.

โŒ I don’t want to be having the same conversations in 15 years’ time.

โŒ I don’t want to partner with organisations that want to run a Bloke Coaching program annually for years and years as many have done with WIL programs.

โŒ I don’t want to sustain my business, by perpetuating the need.

โŒ I want it to go away.

โœ”๏ธ I want to fix the problem. I want to fix the system.

โœ”๏ธ I want to go out of business.

The way I partner with organisations is so that the organisation doesnโ€™t need me anymore. We rebuild the system to enable gender equality, and in a way that sustains this equality indefinitely.

Without the need for Bloke Coaching.

And that makes for a quite different type of conversation.

 

Original Post Dated August 2022

Would you buy your son a pram?

Would you buy your son a pram?

by | Blog

When my son turned 4, we bought him a pram.

It was one of three things that he really wanted, and he had mentioned it frequently in the lead-up to his birthday.

Interestingly, I found myself evaluating and re-evaluating my gender biases. It revealed about me, to myself.

A lot of which I’m not proud of, especially considering one of the reasons my son wanted a pram was to ‘be like daddy’. Shouldn’t this gift have been a no-brainer?

Seeing how much joy it’s brought him, I don’t regret the decision for a moment. I’m ashamed that I had any second thoughts in the first place.

I’m ashamed of my hang-ups, but it’s helping me to grow, and challenge the biases that are still entrenched.

I’m proud of my son, and he gives me lots of hope that his generation won’t face some of the stereotypical gender expectations and stigma that my generation does.

As a kid, I would have never asked for the pram. Probably my dad would never have bought me one.

That’s progress.

Here of some of my learnings and reflections from the weekend:

– It’s actually very hard to buy a non-pink pram. The toy manufacturers really aren’t helping with this. But we did manage the find a green pram, even with a boy on the front. Representation matters. ‘What’s wrong with pink for a boy?’ you may ask. (Well, that’s a whole other post and discussion).

– A LOT of people (family, friends and strangers) felt the need to query “Did you buy him a pram for his birthday?” They didn’t ask this question about the other presents. My mother in las actually asked this question as my son opened the present in front of us. No one asked this question about his other gifts.

– I found myself being drawn into responding to this query with “Yes, it’s what he really wanted” as if I needed to defend our choice. Or “Yes, but we also got him a bike” (I can’t believe I felt the need to say that). Thankfully, I did stop myself at “Yes.”

– I found myself needing to summon the strength to take the pram with us to the park. Which is massively ironic considering I was taking a pram with his younger sister. I was fearful of the looks, the questions and the judgements. But I left my hangups at home and strolled proudly to the park. Prams side by side on the footpath. We had a lot of fun.

– His older brother and he fought over the pram and the baby doll at the park. And my eldest son (6) actually got quite upset that the birthday boy wasn’t sharing and he wasn’t getting a turn.

Perhaps, deep down, every boy wants a pram.