Trans Awareness – Promoting Proactive Inclusion

Trans Awareness – Promoting Proactive Inclusion

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Trans Awareness Week

So it’s Trans Awareness Week this week, and International Men’s Day on the 19th of November. 

I talked about the importance of International Men’s Day a few months ago and encouraged more people and organisations to recognise this day. 

So, in deciding my focus for my blog this week, I’ve decided to focus on Trans Awareness.

Gender equality goes beyond just acceptance; it’s about creating an environment where everyone, regardless of their gender identity, feels valued, respected, and comfortable.

Often, we see organisations making accommodations only when a trans person joins the team. While these adjustments are crucial, we should strive to change the system before someone of a different background arrives. 

This proactive approach is a powerful demonstration of our commitment to fostering a diverse and inclusive workplace.

By taking these steps in advance, we can ensure that our workplaces welcome all individuals, regardless of their gender identity, from day one. 

It’s about challenging norms and stereotypes, reevaluating policies, and creating a culture that supports everyone, regardless of where they fall on the gender spectrum.

Here are a few ways we can promote proactive inclusion:

Training and Education: Invest in training and educational programs that raise awareness about different gender identities and experiences. This will help to dispel misconceptions and create a more informed and empathetic workforce. Done well, these programs occur irrespective of how many employees identify this way. Done badly, they can come across as “Riley uses they/them pronouns, so now we need to do this training.”

Policy Review: Regularly review and update your workplace policies to ensure they are inclusive and sensitive to the needs of all genders. Ensure that gender-neutral language is used and that accommodations are readily available. Done well, you are engaging expertise in this area (remember “nothing about us, with us”). Done badly, you are relying solely on the cisgender voices that you already hear a lot from.

Listening and Feedback: Create a platform where employees can provide feedback and raise concerns about gender-related issues. This feedback should be actively used to make necessary improvements. Done well, it should incorporate respectful conversations and inclusive decision-making. Done badly, it can become a fight about who’s concerns matter more. 

Visibility and Representation: Encourage trans individuals to share their stories and experiences, fostering greater understanding among employees. Done well, you pay for a speaker who wants to speak on this topic and share their experience. Done badly, you coerce the trans person in the team to speak on behalf of their community (when they perhaps don’t want to).

Let’s seek to build workplaces that are not only welcoming but also proactive in their efforts to embrace all gender identities. 

By making these changes beforehand, we can pave the way for a more inclusive, equitable, and diverse future.  

Men Need Help Removing Their Armour

Men Need Help Removing Their Armour

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Patriarchy hurts men.

It is a system that drastically needs to be challenged and dismantled for everyone’s benefit.

Patriarchy’s continued impact on women is actively challenged. Progress is there but it’s slow and encounters frequent setbacks. 

Comparatively patriarchy’s impact on men is often sidelined and doesn’t garner as much attention.

Men speaking against patriarchy feels like an oxymoron or the ultimate betrayal. Who wouldn’t want to be a man in a patriarchal system?

The answer, as I’ve witnessed, is most men.

From an early age, a lot of men find themselves placed in the role of an armoured knight, a naïve soldier of the patriarchy. We are expected to be ready to face any challenges that the world throws up and emerge victorious. 

The origins of this ‘role’ derive from the inherent need within a patriarchal system to proactively challenge and fight other patriarchies. This requires literal man-power, and men willing to go to war, and make the ultimate sacrifice.

Compelling the majority of men to be prepared to give up their lives, requires considerable indoctrination. Indoctrination tells you that if aren’t willing to put everything on the line, there is something wrong with you. If you aren’t strong enough to perform when you are needed, there is something wrong with you.

A lot of men, throughout their lives, are expected to be strong, resilient, and unwavering in the face of adversity. The armour we wear is a collective construct of stoicism, emotional restraint, and the belief that seeking help is a sign of weakness. This armour protects us from judgments and vulnerabilities but can hinder growth, emotional well-being, and the ability to form genuine connections.

It can become an inseparable part of a man’s identity, shaping his perception of strength, vulnerability, and weakness.  

“Be a man” and “man up” are phrases that are uniquely conveyed to the male gender. And interestingly there is no female equivalent for the word ‘emasculating’.

Choosing to step out of this defined role, often brings ridicule, bullying and exclusion, as many men can attest to. 

It is a very difficult thing to do.

Just as a knight requires the assistance of squires to help him remove his armour, men often need support and understanding to dismantle the protective layers that have been built or imposed over time. Breaking free from the shackles of traditional masculinity is not a sign of defeat but a declaration of courage and growth.

Friends, family, mentors, therapists, coaches and support groups serve as the modern-day squires, offering a helping hand to assist in the delicate process of de-armouring. 

They encourage men to embrace vulnerability, express their emotions, and seek help without feeling inadequate. This support network helps men understand that seeking assistance doesn’t diminish their strength but empowers them to face their battles more authentically.

Just as a knight feels relief and liberation when his armour is removed, men experience a similar sense of freedom and peace when they shed the societal expectations that have bound them for so long. 

It allows them to stand tall, unencumbered, and authentic in their feelings and experiences.

Underneath this armour they find themselves. And others start to see the real them too – instead of another reluctant knight within the patriarchy.

Removing the armour doesn’t diminish their heroism; instead, it showcases their bravery in confronting their struggles and evolving into their true selves. 

Let us acknowledge this, extend our support, and create a world where men can be proud, unshielded, and truly empowered.

5 Hacks For Making Memories this School Holidays

5 Hacks For Making Memories this School Holidays

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How are you keeping your monsters (sorry, I mean kids) entertained in the school holidays?

With 3 young, high-energy kids (one with ADHD) school holidays can often feel more about survival than making memories.

More and more dads are taking responsibility for the school holidays, which is excellent news for everyone.

Here are a few hacks I’ve stumbled across.

  1. Hide and seek – this is an amazing mindfulness activity. Having the kids silent and still for a few minutes is bliss. Savour the seeker role by mindfully counting to 100 – nice and slow – whilst breathing deeply. Then take your time to find them, maybe also taking the opportunity to tidy up the house as you go. My kids tend to prefer it if it takes more time to find them anyway. Repeat, many, many times.
  1. Make at-home playdough – I have a fool-proof / kids-proof recipe for made-in-the-microwave playdough. It’s great because the kids help with making it (can’t really go wrong), they dye it their favourite colour/s and then spend heaps of time playing with it. You can also make as much as you want, which is handy when you want to replace the mixed-together brown. Send me an email if you want me to send you the recipe.
  1. Invest in Costumes – Having dress-ups handy fills in a surprising amount of time, and channels creativity and energy in less destructive ways. Keep in mind, that anything can be a costume. My boys love being rolled up in a blanket – sometimes they are slugs, sometimes they are burritos. Either way, it slows them down, and there are big smiles on their faces. My boys also love the simplicity of a bucket helmet. Not everyone needs a Captain America costume to be a hero. Cardboard boxes are also very versatile and can be costumes or craft materials.
  1. Be Present – Multitasking is an absolute myth. It’s rapid task switching and the research shows that you end up doing neither activity well. Trying to work at the same time as looking after kids doesn’t work for me and I’ve found that it makes me more stressed and not my best for the kids. A better method is to give them time when I’m fully present and engaged and give myself 100% to the activity. Then after a while, I find they usually want some time to themselves or they get engrossed with an activity (like the playdough) and I can use that time to cast an eye over some work. Quality time over being half there always seems to work in our household.
  1. Embrace the mess – I’ve discovered that if my expectation is that we need to keep things clean or keep the mess contained, I am inevitably disappointed and grow frustrated. Alternatively, if I assume that something is going to be a Category 6 mess, I am much more tolerant and everyone ends up having a better time (including me). A bit of mess takes a similar time to clean than a lot of mess – e.g. throwing the kid in the shower, so rather than working to contain the mess to little portions, give them permission to go for it.

These hacks don’t work 100% of the time but they are definitely worth a try.

You might also like to read this other post about managing with kids at home for the holidays.

Good luck.

Pay Transparency

Pay Transparency

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Pay Transparency to reduce disparity.

For a lot of organisations, this is the time of the year performance for the previous year gets recognised and bonuses and pay increases are awarded.

While progress has been made, there are still disparities between the earning potential and performance recognition of men and women.

I choose to believe that in the majority of organisations, inequality and gender pay gap issues are unintentional.

I choose to believe that enough organisations have come to recognise gender inequality within remuneration as an issue and have taken action to address the obvious issues.

However disparity still exists, and that is why we need to focus on some of the things that well-intended organisations can unknowingly do.

  1. Biased performance evaluations, even if unintentional, can lead to differences in salary adjustments and promotions. Assertiveness and overconfidence tend to benefit men more than women in overcoming performance issues.
  2. Negotiations: Men and women may approach salary negotiations differently. Research suggests that men are more likely to negotiate aggressively for higher pay, while women may feel uncomfortable or may be penalised for doing the same. This can lead to differences in starting salaries and pay raises over time.
  3. Lack of transparency: Organisations that do not openly discuss pay scales and salary ranges may inadvertently perpetuate pay disparities. Employees might not be aware of discrepancies, and this lack of transparency can make it challenging to address and rectify any inequities.
  4. Pay History: Basing salary offers on an employee’s previous pay history can perpetuate past gender pay gaps and exacerbate existing disparities, even if unintentional.

One powerful approach to addressing this issue is through pay and performance transparency within teams.

Sharing details of what people earn, as well as how they have performed, seems to be regarded as a faux pas, but why?

Reasoning tends to focus on protecting the privacy of underperformers, and those who are the lowest earners.

I agree with that reasoning, but what about transparency at the top end?

By openly sharing information about top performers’ salaries and achievements, organisations can foster a culture of accountability and consequently, greater equality.

Transparency as a Benchmarking Tool

Sharing information about the highest earners and top performers within teams enables individuals to benchmark their own progress and career advancement. By knowing what it takes to be at the top, employees can set realistic goals and devise strategies to achieve excellence.

This is especially crucial for women who, despite having the skills and competence, might have lacked the information or confidence to aim for top positions.

Motivation to Excel

Transparency can be a powerful motivational tool. When employees are aware of the potential rewards for outstanding performance, they are inspired to put in their best efforts. This motivation transcends gender boundaries and propels everyone to strive for greatness. By creating a meritocracy, transparency ensures that hard work and dedication are recognised, irrespective of gender.

A Shift in Organisational Culture

Embracing transparency represents a significant shift in organisational culture. It demonstrates a commitment to fairness, equality, and empowering all team members. This cultural transformation attracts diverse talent and promotes an inclusive environment where everyone feels valued and encouraged to participate actively.

Some Humble Pie for the Over-Confident

The impact of disclosing the pay and performance ratings of top performers could also result in some humility at this top end and maybe the dose of reality that those keen negotiators need.

Some might express concerns about sharing salary and performance data, fearing that it could lead to resentment or negative competition.

However, transparency does not mean exposing every employee’s information. Instead, it focuses on sharing the success stories and accomplishments of top performers, allowing others to learn from their experiences and emulate their strategies.

Ideally, if the organisation is being fair, and equitable and basing its decisions on merit, then there shouldn’t be an issue. Everyone should be able to see the evidence for themselves and come to a similar conclusion that those top performers deserve their higher salaries.

If that isn’t the case, then perhaps it’s actually exposed the underlying biases and inequality within the process. I’d count that as a win, albeit an uncomfortable truth for some organisations to swallow.

Pay and performance transparency is not a magical solution, but it represents a crucial step towards achieving gender equality in the workplace.

By sharing who earns the most within teams and celebrating top performers, organisations create an environment that values merit, dedication, and talent above all else.

These are things that most organisations think they do already, but we know that can often be just rhetoric.

Women in Leadership Programs…

Women in Leadership Programs…

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The latest version of unpaid work?

In most of the leadership programs I have run, unfortunately, many participants who attend often feel the pressure of having to make up for time out of the office. 

They check their emails and make calls during breaks. Some arrive early to power through on their laptops before the workshop starts. Others share that they will be working late to make up for being ‘away’. 

 Without the appropriate resourcing and support to help them attend the program (which rarely happens), active participation in a leadership program frequently involves taking on more work on top of their day-to-day responsibilities.

Ironically, this frequently becomes a topic of conversation during the workshop and the development that most of the leaders need.

 

Now, let’s think about Women in Leadership Programs (WILPs).


As far as leadership programs go, most WILPs often require quite substantial investments of participants’ time and mental energy. Some even have a high visibility project component to be squeezed in.

Participation in these programs demands additional cognitive effort, as well as the above-mentioned challenge of how to re-juggle work priorities.

In addition, many women are likely to be reluctant to decline these development ‘opportunities,’ fearing it might signal a lack of interest in career advancement. 

Compound this with the reality that whilst they are working on their leadership skills, their male peers have more time to achieve their KPIs.

In isolation, WILPs may not be doing what you think they are doing. 

Instead, they may actually be reinforcing a system by which women have to work much harder than their male peers for the same rewards and outcomes. 

(In many instances they work harder and still get less.)

 

To push back on the invitation to attend a WILP, creates a kind of guilt equivalent to that frequently experienced by working mothers.

The fear (real or imagined) that saying ‘No’ would mean they aren’t as talented (they should be able to juggle better) or aren’t as motivated or ambitious as they should be. 

Then, imagine the added pressure of continuing to act engaged and appreciative of the opportunity when this is the fourth or fifth program they have attended that shares similar content. 

Imagine the pressure to present a quality project to the board or Exec team. Stuff it up, and it reflects poorly on you, not the lack of support you have received or how you may have been set up to fail. 

Many women I talk to are, simply, over it.

 

We need to rethink how we treat the talented women in our organisations.

As a McKinsey study suggests, WILPs can be highly beneficial but only if the organisation outside of the program is also developing itself.

Bloke Coaching works as a great complement to existing Women in Leadership Programs. 

By developing the men as well, we are able to address the actual barriers that get in the way of achieving gender equality, as well as sharing the onus of responsibility.