Intention Bias vs Judging Behaviour

Intention Bias vs Judging Behaviour

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There is a hypocrisy most of us struggle with.

Intentions and behaviour are legitimate ways to evaluate human conduct.

The problem is that we are conveniently biased towards intentions when considering ourselves, and towards behaviour when evaluating other people.

We trust our own intentions – because we know ourselves pretty well. Not perfectly (but that’s a whole other topic).

Because we can’t see or feel the inner working of another’s mind, then we judge someone by what we can see – their behaviour.

Both intentions and behaviours are important and so the challenge is we need to apply them more uniformly.

Rarely would someone intend to reverse into someone else’s car. But focusing on our intent can limit us from taking responsibility for our behaviour. Despite my intentions, I did reverse into their car. So I’ll take responsibility, apologise and pay for the damages rather than drive away.

While intentions are important, they don’t atone for all behaviour.

“I didn’t mean for that comment to be sexist.”

Does our intention matter? Yes, but again rarely would someone intend to be sexist.

Even if we get feedback from the world – “That was a bit sexist” or “that was very sexist” or “We only have 27% women in leadership roles”, we have a tendency to place undue emphasis on our own intentions.

This limits us from taking responsibility for the ‘impact’ of our behaviour, or how these behaviours are contributing to the problem.

BlokeCoaching is a program for male executives within organisations to understand more about the behaviours that perpetuate gender inequality, take responsibility, and work to fix the system.

For most of us, we do not intend to be sexist. Yet it’s difficult for us to ignore that there is a problem that hasn’t gone away. The feedback is that there is still a lot of work to be done.

We all need to start taking responsibility.

And not drive off.

Do you see gender inequality?

Do you see gender inequality?

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A lot of men don’t seem to ‘get’ gender inequality

…yet.

We struggle to see what so many non-men can see so regularly and so plainly.

Firstly, because there is male privilege, we probably don’t see the inequality as easily as those without the privilege.

But here’s the thing – even when it’s pointed out to us, a lot of men refuse to engage or do anything about it.

There are psychological forces at play.

Abraham Maslow in ‘Toward a Psychology of Being’ describes this perfectly:

“Every human being has both sets of forces within (them). 

One set clings to safety and defensiveness out of fear, tending to regress backward, hanging on to the past, afraid to grow… afraid to take chances, and afraid to jeopardise what (they) already (have)…

The other set of forces impels (them) forward toward wholeness of Self and uniqueness of Self, toward full functioning of all (their) capacities, toward confidence in the face of the external world at the same time that (they) can accept (their) deepest, real, unconscious Self.”

Acknowledging the inequality that exists between the genders, and accepting that all men continue to benefit from male privilege, inevitably forces men to confront their fears –

Perhaps I don’t deserve to be where I am.

Perhaps I’m not as good at this as I think I am.

Maybe I will lose what I have.

These are very difficult barriers to overcome, and so a lot of men will protect themselves against this perceived ‘threat’ with a fight, flight or freeze response.

And that ‘threat’ response can be triggered by even the most benign stimulus – like an Australian of the Year who doesn’t smile for a photo.

 

Blokecoaching is a program we have designed for senior male executives to understand male privilege, patriarchy and prejudices, and continue progress towards achieving gender equality within organisations.

Working as a cohort as well as 1on1 with a certified organisational coach, helps men to address the realities of the patriarchal system, tackle the unconscious forces within us that compel us to protect our male privilege, and provide encouragement to come to terms with who we really are and find courage to move forward.

It’s a confronting program. Losing privilege is hard.

It’s an emotional journey. And we will support men through all phases of that emotional journey from denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.

If your organisation’s gender inclusion strategy seems to be plateauing or if your organisation is struggling to make progress towards gender equality, perhaps it’s time to invest in developing the men.

How much did my gender or my other characteristics, give me an edge?

How much did my gender or my other characteristics, give me an edge?

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“People who think that have claimed the greasy pole on their own misunderstand how much luck had a part to play and how society, directly or indirectly, also helped them rise.”

~ Minouche Shafik.

You can read Minouche’s full article here.

 

For me, a couple of years ago I had a realisation – I’m not sure that I would be where I am today if I were not male, not white, not heterosexual, not western, not speaking English as a first language, not able-bodied… the list goes on, with almost all of my demographics being favoured by society.

It has been easier for me to conform to the system. Easier for me to get ahead and succeed.

But growing up, and until recently I lied to myself that my successes were wholly earned by me.

Yes, I worked for my successes. But did I work as well – or better – than the woman to my right or the indigenous colleague to my left, in order to obtain my success?

How much did my gender or my other characteristics, give me an edge (consciously or unconsciously) in an interview or a pitch to a client?

🏃 It’s like running a race, where my competition has hurdles in their lanes but my lane is clear.

Of course, I’m going to run faster than most of my competition. A couple of people – despite their hurdles – are still able to run faster than me.

My privilege – my arrogance – tells me that we were all running the same event.

But ask anyone else in the race, and they will tell you about the hurdles in their lane.

Not only do I not see their hurdles but upon hearing them complain about the hurdles, my immediate bias was to challenge their assertion that the hurdles existed in the first place or they are barely noticeable.

In my unconscious mind, they are just disappointed that they didn’t win, and perhaps looking for special treatment.

And those that do win – despite the hurdles – are then providing evidence in my mind that those hurdles don’t matter.

Sadly, that was me until recently.

With this insight, I want to help more men to become aware of and understand their privilege and use this awareness to address the hurdles that have been placed in other people’s lanes. Hurdles that we may pretend – selfishly – don’t exist, in order to preserve our own mantra that we earned our success.

#Blokecoaching is a program we have designed for senior male executives to understand male privilege, patriarchy and prejudices, and continue progress towards achieving gender equality.

Chat to me about whether this program would be a good fit for your organisation.

International Women’s Day Join the discussion

International Women’s Day Join the discussion

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Men, we need to be active and involved.

March 8th is International Women’s Day, in case you hadn’t noticed.

There is a plethora of female voices championing for equality, celebrating successes and inspiring more work to be achieved.

In case you are yet to realise, they aren’t just talking to themselves.

🔇 Being silent is not the answer.

✔️ We need to engage.

Let’s do more than simply show our support.

Let’s demonstrate that we are listening to female voices. We are recognising that we need to take action. We are taking action. We are trying to be the change.

Here are some suggestions:

💡 Go beyond ‘Liking’ a post. Instead, share in the comments why you liked the post; what you took away from the post; what you agree with; or where it has challenged your thinking. Or share the post with your network – this gives the author the opportunity to reach a larger audience.

💡 Share Examples of the work that you have been doing personally to #breakthebias. Be vulnerable. It’s not easy to retrain our biases – and we all have them. Share your experiences in order to inspire other men, and give the women in your network encouragement that we are listening, we are starting to understand, and we are trying to do better.

💡 @Mention women that have inspired you, developed you and challenged you to be better. Celebrate them and thank them. You can do this publicly in a post or privately through DM.

💡 Post about what your organisation is achieving towards gender equality, and what this progress means to you personally. Too often these posts only come from other genders.

As for actions to do outside of  social media platforms:

➡️ Ask questions, be curious, and listen. Every woman has a story to share. Literally, every woman.

➡️ Educate Yourself – listen to podcasts, ted talks, or read articles, and prompt a discussion. Google terms and issues that you don’t completely understand yet.

➡️ Talk to other men about IWD, and gender inequality. Chat about what you struggle with, what equality would mean – for all genders, and what you’ve observed about your own male privilege.

➡️ Contact me if you want to have a chat or would like some learning recommendations. I always reply, and as an executive coach, confidentiality is assured.

International Women’s Day is a day to profile women and the issues they face, but it shouldn’t be a day that men aren’t involved in.

Let’s demonstrate our desire to be part of the solution.

And MOST IMPORTANTLY, our commitment to keep that desire going all year!

Are you watering down your DEI Initatives?

Are you watering down your DEI Initatives?

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𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗗𝗘𝗜 𝗶𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲𝘀?

There is a difference between compliance training and real development.

I don’t work in compliance training, but unfortunately, many organisations mistake DEI as another compliance topic.

At the heart, many organisations want to be seen to be tackling the issue and are looking for options that can tick boxes.

Unconscious Bias Training has become a go-to option for organisations wanting more than just EEO and anti-discrimination modules, but in reality, it is not doing what you think it is doing.

Whilst Unconscious Bias is now a fairly well-known term, very few people take any meaningful steps.

Most people think ‘greater awareness’ is a suitable outcome or takeaway, without actually challenging what this awareness is or how it will inform their actions going forward.

The training ticks a box. And then people wonder why it hasn’t produced any meaningful change.

We may have crossed our arms, and committed to #breakthebias2022, for International Women’s Day 2022, but how has that been going for you?

We get kudos for showing up. We applaud commitments to champion change.

That’s the end of the story.

Next time, pay attention to the subtle use of words used by a program sponsor or a senior leader that has been through unconscious bias training.

“WE need to address this” or “WE need to do more about this.” or something similar…

Whilst sharing accountability through ‘WE’ (and getting everyone’s heads nodding) it actually also serves to negate personal responsibility.

Which means nothing changes.

Better leadership looks like:

“I am going to fix the problem by….”

“I am going to change the way… “

“I know that I’ve been getting it wrong”.

Unfortunately, we often fall into the trap of thinking it is other people’s biases that we need to break.

This mindset leaves us to overlook our own prejudices.

This mindset evades the uncomfortable truth that we are contributing to the problem.

Some more than others.

Our discomfort is worth others feeling more comfortable.

Discomfort is where learning happens.

Discomfort motivates real change.

You don’t need more unconscious bias training.

We don’t need more slides or e-learning.

We need a better intervention.

#blokecoaching is an uncomfortable program.

And we make no apologies for that.

Clients get upset.

They cry. They argue.

Through the program, we help everyone to understand their privilege, the patriarchal system and their individual prejudices, and those topics are going to stir up some big feelings.

But that is part of the process. And our clients are better for it.