International Women’s Day Join the discussion

International Women’s Day Join the discussion

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Men, we need to be active and involved.

March 8th is International Women’s Day, in case you hadn’t noticed.

There is a plethora of female voices championing for equality, celebrating successes and inspiring more work to be achieved.

In case you are yet to realise, they aren’t just talking to themselves.

🔇 Being silent is not the answer.

✔️ We need to engage.

Let’s do more than simply show our support.

Let’s demonstrate that we are listening to female voices. We are recognising that we need to take action. We are taking action. We are trying to be the change.

Here are some suggestions:

💡 Go beyond ‘Liking’ a post. Instead, share in the comments why you liked the post; what you took away from the post; what you agree with; or where it has challenged your thinking. Or share the post with your network – this gives the author the opportunity to reach a larger audience.

💡 Share Examples of the work that you have been doing personally to #breakthebias. Be vulnerable. It’s not easy to retrain our biases – and we all have them. Share your experiences in order to inspire other men, and give the women in your network encouragement that we are listening, we are starting to understand, and we are trying to do better.

💡 @Mention women that have inspired you, developed you and challenged you to be better. Celebrate them and thank them. You can do this publicly in a post or privately through DM.

💡 Post about what your organisation is achieving towards gender equality, and what this progress means to you personally. Too often these posts only come from other genders.

As for actions to do outside of  social media platforms:

➡️ Ask questions, be curious, and listen. Every woman has a story to share. Literally, every woman.

➡️ Educate Yourself – listen to podcasts, ted talks, or read articles, and prompt a discussion. Google terms and issues that you don’t completely understand yet.

➡️ Talk to other men about IWD, and gender inequality. Chat about what you struggle with, what equality would mean – for all genders, and what you’ve observed about your own male privilege.

➡️ Contact me if you want to have a chat or would like some learning recommendations. I always reply, and as an executive coach, confidentiality is assured.

International Women’s Day is a day to profile women and the issues they face, but it shouldn’t be a day that men aren’t involved in.

Let’s demonstrate our desire to be part of the solution.

And MOST IMPORTANTLY, our commitment to keep that desire going all year!

Are you watering down your DEI Initatives?

Are you watering down your DEI Initatives?

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𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗗𝗘𝗜 𝗶𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲𝘀?

There is a difference between compliance training and real development.

I don’t work in compliance training, but unfortunately, many organisations mistake DEI as another compliance topic.

At the heart, many organisations want to be seen to be tackling the issue and are looking for options that can tick boxes.

Unconscious Bias Training has become a go-to option for organisations wanting more than just EEO and anti-discrimination modules, but in reality, it is not doing what you think it is doing.

Whilst Unconscious Bias is now a fairly well-known term, very few people take any meaningful steps.

Most people think ‘greater awareness’ is a suitable outcome or takeaway, without actually challenging what this awareness is or how it will inform their actions going forward.

The training ticks a box. And then people wonder why it hasn’t produced any meaningful change.

We may have crossed our arms, and committed to #breakthebias2022, for International Women’s Day 2022, but how has that been going for you?

We get kudos for showing up. We applaud commitments to champion change.

That’s the end of the story.

Next time, pay attention to the subtle use of words used by a program sponsor or a senior leader that has been through unconscious bias training.

“WE need to address this” or “WE need to do more about this.” or something similar…

Whilst sharing accountability through ‘WE’ (and getting everyone’s heads nodding) it actually also serves to negate personal responsibility.

Which means nothing changes.

Better leadership looks like:

“I am going to fix the problem by….”

“I am going to change the way… “

“I know that I’ve been getting it wrong”.

Unfortunately, we often fall into the trap of thinking it is other people’s biases that we need to break.

This mindset leaves us to overlook our own prejudices.

This mindset evades the uncomfortable truth that we are contributing to the problem.

Some more than others.

Our discomfort is worth others feeling more comfortable.

Discomfort is where learning happens.

Discomfort motivates real change.

You don’t need more unconscious bias training.

We don’t need more slides or e-learning.

We need a better intervention.

#blokecoaching is an uncomfortable program.

And we make no apologies for that.

Clients get upset.

They cry. They argue.

Through the program, we help everyone to understand their privilege, the patriarchal system and their individual prejudices, and those topics are going to stir up some big feelings.

But that is part of the process. And our clients are better for it.

How many circles do you see in the image below?

How many circles do you see in the image below?

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It is not a trick – there are actually 16 circles.

Look again.

When you see them – trust me – it’ll be all you can see.

I stumbled across this optical illusion – it’s called a Coffer Illusion. (You can search for it if, like many people, you still can’t see the circles and want further help).

It took me ages to see the circles, and then they appeared – as plain as the rectangles and lines that I was seeing before.

This is a great way to think about our privilege.

When we have it, we can’t see it.

Others will tell us that barriers exist for those without certain privileges, but when we have privileges – we don’t see them.

And because we can’t see them – we arrogantly determine that they don’t exist.

We may even think that others are making it up.

Well, it’s there. So are the circles.

And just like with privilege, when we spend long enough looking for what others can so plainly see, eventually we will see it.

And eventually, that’ll be all we can see.

And instead of questioning their existence in the first place, we will wonder why we never saw it before.

And now that we see it, we take action.

Bloke Coaching is a program to help men understand male privilege, patriarchy and prejudice, and be proactive in driving gender equality.

My clients consistently report that once they become aware and see the obstacles, see the microaggressions, see the privilege – they can’t unsee it.

They see it in the media, they see it in movies and tv shows, they see it in restaurants. 

They see it when on public transport, when they are in meetings, in playgrounds and at school. 

They see it at home.

The reality is that, unfortunately, until you actually start seeing it, you aren’t going to be nearly as effective as you think you are at tackling it.

“H-e-y-G-u-y-s” “Hey Everyone!”

“H-e-y-G-u-y-s” “Hey Everyone!”

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I’ve been working on changing my go-to of referring to a group of people as “guys”.

It has NOT been easy.

There are, of course, plenty of people—including many people who aren’t men —who have no problem being addressed as “guys”, and have come to think that word has become entirely gender-neutral and don’t see a reason to change.

So what prompted me to change?

First, I noticed when and how I referred to groups of people as “guys”.

– a group of only men ➡️ “guys”, even sometimes “fellas”.

– a group of a majority of men ➡️ “guys”

– a group of about 25% men ➡️ “guys”

– a group with only 1 man or less than 10% men ➡️ still “guys” but I’m only now starting to notice that it maybe it’s not the best word.

– a group of only women ➡️ I’ve still referred occasionally to them as “guys” but I’m very conscious of the word coming out of my mouth. NB. I’ve never felt comfortable using the word “ladies”, even with a group of all-women.

What I noticed about the above is that even when there is a majority of non-men, this still doesn’t stop me. It’s only when there are no men or few men, that it becomes an unusual word to use.

Aren’t I therefore unknowingly confirming that groups or men or a majority of men is (or should be) the norm and that I’m only prompted to be inclusive to non-men when they far outnumber the men?

That’s not good. And it’s not helping to correct a system that favours men, it’s perpetuating it.

Side note, I was once a part of an email distribution list that included EAs, PAs and admin assistants. The emails all started with “Hi Ladies”. I wasn’t the only man on this list. It felt uncomfortable, but I never spoke up about it.

So – like everything – it’s been hard to rewire my brain. It’s the same rewiring that I’ve done with people’s correct pronouns.

It’s not easy, but it is important.

My discomfort is worth someone else’s comfort.

I’m trying and I’m still not getting it right all the time.

I’m also positive that none of my workshop groups has noticed. But that’s the whole point, we only notice when someone refers to us incorrectly.

Male privilege is not thinking twice about being referred to as a group of “guys”. But we would notice if (when) we are part of “ladies”.

Post below your thoughts and if you have been making the change.

 

Intention Bias vs Judging Behaviour

Intention Bias vs Judging Behaviour

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There is a hypocrisy most of us struggle with.

Intentions and behaviour are legitimate ways to evaluate human conduct.

The problem is that we are conveniently biased towards intentions when considering ourselves, and towards behaviour when evaluating other people.

We trust our own intentions – because we know ourselves pretty well. Not perfectly (but that’s a whole other topic).

Because we can’t see or feel the inner working of another’s mind, then we judge someone by what we can see – their behaviour.

Both intentions and behaviours are important and so the challenge is we need to apply them more uniformly.

Rarely would someone intend to reverse into someone else’s car. But focusing on our intent can limit us from taking responsibility for our behaviour. Despite my intentions, I did reverse into their car. So I’ll take responsibility, apologise and pay for the damages rather than drive away.

While intentions are important, they don’t atone for all behaviour.

“I didn’t mean for that comment to be sexist.”

Does our intention matter? Yes, but again rarely would someone intend to be sexist.

Even if we get feedback from the world – “That was a bit sexist” or “that was very sexist” or “We only have 27% women in leadership roles”, we have a tendency to place undue emphasis on our own intentions.

This limits us from taking responsibility for the ‘impact’ of our behaviour, or how these behaviours are contributing to the problem.

BlokeCoaching is a program for male executives within organisations to understand more about the behaviours that perpetuate gender inequality, take responsibility, and work to fix the system.

For most of us, we do not intend to be sexist. Yet it’s difficult for us to ignore that there is a problem that hasn’t gone away. The feedback is that there is still a lot of work to be done.

We all need to start taking responsibility.

And not drive off.