Gender Equity vs Gender Equality

Gender Equity vs Gender Equality

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I was having a discussion earlier this week with a man working in D&I, and he picked up on my language around achieving gender ‘equality’ rather than ‘equity’.

He shared that recently – only three weeks prior – he’d come to the realisation that gender equality would never be achieved and so the goal for him and his organisation is gender equity.

I thought a lot about this. And decided – I disagree.

Passionately.

For a lot of organisations and sections of society, gender equity is the goal. This involves recognising differing experiences across genders and focusing on initiatives that achieve fairness and justice.

Initiatives that are required because the current system isn’t fair or just.

Equality doesn’t mean everyone is treated the same (a common misconception).

Equality across the genders means that rights, responsibilities, and opportunities no longer depend on what gender you identify with.

I don’t want to give up on gender equality.

Through Bloke Coaching I’m helping men to understand male privilege, patriarchy, and prejudice and motivating them to take direct action to rebuild the system in partnership with the other genders.

Through this process, the end goal is to fix the system and achieve equality.

Equity may very well be the temporary measure on the path to equality, as you rebuild the system.

But equality should – IMO – always be the goal.

Without addressing the system, the system will find new ways to disadvantage certain genders. It is very resilient.

Unfortunately, I do sometimes get the feeling that some people who work in D&I tend to perpetuate the need for D&I.

Perhaps they are feeling a bit disenfranchised because they appreciate how large the problem is.

Perhaps they don’t want to put themselves out of a job.

I do.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments. 👇

I want to put myself out of a job

I want to put myself out of a job

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My mission for Bloke Coaching is that it won’t be needed in 15 years.

That will coincide with my 50th birthday.

Call me naïve.

But I’m putting it out there in order to keep myself accountable –

❌ I don’t want to still be doing this in 15 years’ time.

❌ I don’t want to be having the same conversations in 15 years’ time.

❌ I don’t want to partner with organisations that want to run a Bloke Coaching program annually for years and years as many have done with WIL programs.

❌ I don’t want to sustain my business, by perpetuating the need.

❌ I want it to go away.

✔️ I want to fix the problem. I want to fix the system.

✔️ I want to go out of business.

The way I partner with organisations is so that the organisation doesn’t need me anymore. We rebuild the system to enable gender equality, and in a way that sustains this equality indefinitely.

Without the need for Bloke Coaching.

And that makes for a quite different type of conversation.

 

Original Post Dated August 2022

Intention Bias vs Judging Behaviour

Intention Bias vs Judging Behaviour

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There is a hypocrisy most of us struggle with.

Intentions and behaviour are legitimate ways to evaluate human conduct.

The problem is that we are conveniently biased towards intentions when considering ourselves, and towards behaviour when evaluating other people.

We trust our own intentions – because we know ourselves pretty well. Not perfectly (but that’s a whole other topic).

Because we can’t see or feel the inner working of another’s mind, then we judge someone by what we can see – their behaviour.

Both intentions and behaviours are important and so the challenge is we need to apply them more uniformly.

Rarely would someone intend to reverse into someone else’s car. But focusing on our intent can limit us from taking responsibility for our behaviour. Despite my intentions, I did reverse into their car. So I’ll take responsibility, apologise and pay for the damages rather than drive away.

While intentions are important, they don’t atone for all behaviour.

“I didn’t mean for that comment to be sexist.”

Does our intention matter? Yes, but again rarely would someone intend to be sexist.

Even if we get feedback from the world – “That was a bit sexist” or “that was very sexist” or “We only have 27% women in leadership roles”, we have a tendency to place undue emphasis on our own intentions.

This limits us from taking responsibility for the ‘impact’ of our behaviour, or how these behaviours are contributing to the problem.

BlokeCoaching is a program for male executives within organisations to understand more about the behaviours that perpetuate gender inequality, take responsibility, and work to fix the system.

For most of us, we do not intend to be sexist. Yet it’s difficult for us to ignore that there is a problem that hasn’t gone away. The feedback is that there is still a lot of work to be done.

We all need to start taking responsibility.

And not drive off.

Would you buy your son a pram?

Would you buy your son a pram?

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When my son turned 4, we bought him a pram.

It was one of three things that he really wanted, and he had mentioned it frequently in the lead-up to his birthday.

Interestingly, I found myself evaluating and re-evaluating my gender biases. It revealed about me, to myself.

A lot of which I’m not proud of, especially considering one of the reasons my son wanted a pram was to ‘be like daddy’. Shouldn’t this gift have been a no-brainer?

Seeing how much joy it’s brought him, I don’t regret the decision for a moment. I’m ashamed that I had any second thoughts in the first place.

I’m ashamed of my hang-ups, but it’s helping me to grow, and challenge the biases that are still entrenched.

I’m proud of my son, and he gives me lots of hope that his generation won’t face some of the stereotypical gender expectations and stigma that my generation does.

As a kid, I would have never asked for the pram. Probably my dad would never have bought me one.

That’s progress.

Here of some of my learnings and reflections from the weekend:

– It’s actually very hard to buy a non-pink pram. The toy manufacturers really aren’t helping with this. But we did manage the find a green pram, even with a boy on the front. Representation matters. ‘What’s wrong with pink for a boy?’ you may ask. (Well, that’s a whole other post and discussion).

– A LOT of people (family, friends and strangers) felt the need to query “Did you buy him a pram for his birthday?” They didn’t ask this question about the other presents. My mother in las actually asked this question as my son opened the present in front of us. No one asked this question about his other gifts.

– I found myself being drawn into responding to this query with “Yes, it’s what he really wanted” as if I needed to defend our choice. Or “Yes, but we also got him a bike” (I can’t believe I felt the need to say that). Thankfully, I did stop myself at “Yes.”

– I found myself needing to summon the strength to take the pram with us to the park. Which is massively ironic considering I was taking a pram with his younger sister. I was fearful of the looks, the questions and the judgements. But I left my hangups at home and strolled proudly to the park. Prams side by side on the footpath. We had a lot of fun.

– His older brother and he fought over the pram and the baby doll at the park. And my eldest son (6) actually got quite upset that the birthday boy wasn’t sharing and he wasn’t getting a turn.

Perhaps, deep down, every boy wants a pram.

Do you see gender inequality?

Do you see gender inequality?

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A lot of men don’t seem to ‘get’ gender inequality

…yet.

We struggle to see what so many non-men can see so regularly and so plainly.

Firstly, because there is male privilege, we probably don’t see the inequality as easily as those without the privilege.

But here’s the thing – even when it’s pointed out to us, a lot of men refuse to engage or do anything about it.

There are psychological forces at play.

Abraham Maslow in ‘Toward a Psychology of Being’ describes this perfectly:

“Every human being has both sets of forces within (them). 

One set clings to safety and defensiveness out of fear, tending to regress backward, hanging on to the past, afraid to grow… afraid to take chances, and afraid to jeopardise what (they) already (have)…

The other set of forces impels (them) forward toward wholeness of Self and uniqueness of Self, toward full functioning of all (their) capacities, toward confidence in the face of the external world at the same time that (they) can accept (their) deepest, real, unconscious Self.”

Acknowledging the inequality that exists between the genders, and accepting that all men continue to benefit from male privilege, inevitably forces men to confront their fears –

Perhaps I don’t deserve to be where I am.

Perhaps I’m not as good at this as I think I am.

Maybe I will lose what I have.

These are very difficult barriers to overcome, and so a lot of men will protect themselves against this perceived ‘threat’ with a fight, flight or freeze response.

And that ‘threat’ response can be triggered by even the most benign stimulus – like an Australian of the Year who doesn’t smile for a photo.

 

Blokecoaching is a program we have designed for senior male executives to understand male privilege, patriarchy and prejudices, and continue progress towards achieving gender equality within organisations.

Working as a cohort as well as 1on1 with a certified organisational coach, helps men to address the realities of the patriarchal system, tackle the unconscious forces within us that compel us to protect our male privilege, and provide encouragement to come to terms with who we really are and find courage to move forward.

It’s a confronting program. Losing privilege is hard.

It’s an emotional journey. And we will support men through all phases of that emotional journey from denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.

If your organisation’s gender inclusion strategy seems to be plateauing or if your organisation is struggling to make progress towards gender equality, perhaps it’s time to invest in developing the men.

How much did my gender or my other characteristics, give me an edge?

How much did my gender or my other characteristics, give me an edge?

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“People who think that have claimed the greasy pole on their own misunderstand how much luck had a part to play and how society, directly or indirectly, also helped them rise.”

~ Minouche Shafik.

You can read Minouche’s full article here.

 

For me, a couple of years ago I had a realisation – I’m not sure that I would be where I am today if I were not male, not white, not heterosexual, not western, not speaking English as a first language, not able-bodied… the list goes on, with almost all of my demographics being favoured by society.

It has been easier for me to conform to the system. Easier for me to get ahead and succeed.

But growing up, and until recently I lied to myself that my successes were wholly earned by me.

Yes, I worked for my successes. But did I work as well – or better – than the woman to my right or the indigenous colleague to my left, in order to obtain my success?

How much did my gender or my other characteristics, give me an edge (consciously or unconsciously) in an interview or a pitch to a client?

🏃 It’s like running a race, where my competition has hurdles in their lanes but my lane is clear.

Of course, I’m going to run faster than most of my competition. A couple of people – despite their hurdles – are still able to run faster than me.

My privilege – my arrogance – tells me that we were all running the same event.

But ask anyone else in the race, and they will tell you about the hurdles in their lane.

Not only do I not see their hurdles but upon hearing them complain about the hurdles, my immediate bias was to challenge their assertion that the hurdles existed in the first place or they are barely noticeable.

In my unconscious mind, they are just disappointed that they didn’t win, and perhaps looking for special treatment.

And those that do win – despite the hurdles – are then providing evidence in my mind that those hurdles don’t matter.

Sadly, that was me until recently.

With this insight, I want to help more men to become aware of and understand their privilege and use this awareness to address the hurdles that have been placed in other people’s lanes. Hurdles that we may pretend – selfishly – don’t exist, in order to preserve our own mantra that we earned our success.

#Blokecoaching is a program we have designed for senior male executives to understand male privilege, patriarchy and prejudices, and continue progress towards achieving gender equality.

Chat to me about whether this program would be a good fit for your organisation.